family | Ms Giggles

Letter To My 3-Month Old

September 14, 2016

gracie-1week

Dear Sweet Baby Grace,

I can’t believe you’ve been on this earth for over 3 months! And in that short amount of time you’ve gone from being super small and sleepy to energetic and alert (trust me, you don’t even want to take naps – that’s how alert you are). My favorite quote about this time with you is one I learned first in french:

“Je t’aime plus qu’hier moin que demain.”- Rosemonde Gérard

(I love you more than yesterday, but less than tomorrow.)

gracie-shit

I’ll be honest with you, sweetie, the first weeks were SO hard. It’s not that you were difficult (you were so cuddly) but being thrust into a completely new life can be hard on new mamas. I don’t know if you know this about your dear mom but she doesn’t do so well with change. And oh the baby blues, don’t get me started on that.

And even though you slept most of the time, we struggled with breastfeeding. At the hospital we couldn’t get you to latch properly and because of that you didn’t eat much and I left badly bruised. We visited with two lactation specialists and I struggled mentally with what they wanted me to do. I wanted to breastfeed you but it was going to be a lot of work on my part non-stop, all day. I was looking for something that would work for us that didn’t involve me only resting for 20 minutes before restarting the process.

gracie-week1 Alas, a dear friend (and your Grandma Chris) told me if I needed permission to use formula, that I had it. And so you became a formula baby. You love the stuff so it worked out well. We struggled through gas and fussiness but after my first AMMA new mom group, I realized we were NOT the only ones. Your little digestive tract was figuring itself out.

amma

I’ll never forget the days of you eating and then falling asleep on me while I got to watch 2 episodes of LOST. I will miss skin-to-skin time snuggles, tummy time which turned into sleep, walks around the lake with Grandma and your Uncle Tony while playing Pokemon Go, and your long lost love for the mamaroo (which you decided to hate at 2 months).

gracie-month1

You are getting better at being set down to entertain yourself every day but I stay close so I can give you new tools to play with and new interactions with your senses. Yesterday we smelled basil, you didn’t get it. It’s okay, you’re new.

gracie-2mon

Being a new mom can be crazy hard. New mamas worry, love, get sad, have loads of joy, and fear (oh the fears). I hope that google search histories will never be made public… becuase the world and probably you would think I’m crazy. But what I think is REALLY crazy is that one day (if you so choose and are able) will have one of your own and I will watch you go through this and there might not even be a google. OR a world. #zombieapocolypse

But if there is a world (and I’m guessing there will be…) then I hope you know that I love you with all my heart and you are the best thing that ever happened to your dad and I. We are so excited for the next phases of your babyhood and life. Next up, 4 month sleep regression.

I love you, sweet Gracie.

gracie-3mos

Love,
Mom

Adding “Mom” To My Repertoire

May 18, 2016

Pre-read: this one has been a hard blog post to write. I don’t feel like I am still fully explaining myself in the below brain dump. Either way, it’s what I’ve been feeling the last month and I thought I’d share.

via Brit + Co.

Soon, like really soon, I get to add a new title to my name. Mom. And, wow, is that a big responsibility! One of the biggest struggles I’ve had as of late, is the idea that I could lose myself in this new “mom phase” of my life.

For some time now, I have just been Amanda, ______:

Girlfriend
Wife
Daughter
Sister
Designer
Business Owner
Sen’s mama
Coffee lover
Idea master
Travel obsessed

Throughout this pregnancy the one thing that has scared me the most is the idea of giving up my life and everything I love. Moms do everything for their kids and family. They sacrifice who they used to be for who they need and should become. Or at least that is what I thought.

I will love my kids with all my heart but I want to TRY (keyword) to remain true to myself. I totally get that I’ll change but I don’t want to lose any of the words above.

I Can’t Contain My Excitement

via pinterest

Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited to become a mommy. I have always wanted a family. One that will grow and become a bigger purpose for living. To raise fun, active, and respectful children that grow to be their own unique and weird individuals. But that’s not all I want to accomplish.

I recently read an article that opened my eyes to the idea of being an individual who is also a mom. And you should’ve seen the comments, why are other mom’s so judge-y? And I also read the book, Bringing Up Bebe. In that book, you see middle class french women who care for and love their children and family but also believe that they are people too who have hopes, dreams and desires in life. My goal is to emulate those women.

But the Guilt!

But then there is the idea of guilt. Already I’m starting to feel guilty for saying all these things. Shouldn’t I want to be a mom above all else? Shouldn’t giving up everything for my kids be a noble idea? Why do I feel bad for wanting to return to work? I already feel society judging me.

There Is Still So Much I Want To Do

I still want many things from life and I need to remember that having a family doesn’t mean that I give all of that up.

I still want to travel alone with my husband and grow our marriage. I still want to work and grow my career. I still want to have “adult time” with my friends. I want to grow my business and start new ones.

So, in my opinion, becoming a mom will only add to my other life titles. And it’s a big responsibility and a huge life change. One that I won’t understand until it’s actually here. But I have to remember to stay true to me.

via Pinterest

I’m sure I’ll look back on this and laugh hysterically at my naiveness. Or maybe I will thank myself for remembering how important it is to stay true. Either way, I’m excited for this new adventure we are on and I can’t wait to see what comes.

And please don’t take this article as selfish or ungrateful. I am so grateful that I get to be a mom. But you can’t blame me for being a bit scared. Or maybe you can. That’s your prerogative.

Holy crap, you guys. Baby is coming.